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October 13, 2020

Sex surrogate therapy

In the free loving’ 19605, gynaecologist Dr William Masters and psychologist Virginia Johnson pioneered modern sex therapy.

Following physical checks that ensured patients’ sex issues were psychological, Masters and Johnson would assign couples exercises in giving and receiving sensual pleasure, which would help them overcome sexual anxieties.

The homework didn’t always involve intercourse couples might be told to spend time holding hands or touching developing intimacy was the goal.

However, trouble arose when solo patients came to masters and Johnson with sexual issues, but no study buddy to do their assignments with. 

The solution? Surrogate sex partners have been defined as “professional substitutes trained to help sex therapy patients overcome inhibitions”.

Sex surrogate therapy has been a controversial practice since its inception and has been available here for several decades though not always openly. Mary* works as a surrogate in conjunction with a sex therapist in Melbourne, and agreed to speak to us about what her job involves: 

“I’ve studied psychology subjects and massage therapy, but it was during a Tantra class that I was introduced to surrogacy. One of my male classmates worked as a surrogate for a therapist, so that’s how I found out about it. 

We work on a three-person model: patient, therapist and surrogate (though we’re never all in the same room at the same time). The therapist works on the patient’s psychological issues, briefs me, I have an appointment with the patient, and then I write a detailed report for the therapist to discuss in their session. 

I usually start by sitting down and having a chat with the patient, followed by a hug, because it’s relaxing to have that body contact (most people are just so anxious).

Then we move on to tantric breathing exercises, and lots of touching and holding. I’ve only had intercourse with about half my patients; intimacy, not orgasm, is the goal. 

sex toys in sex surrogate therapy

In most sessions we use lots of tools such as masturbators and sex toys. Most of the sessions is foreplay in between talking therapy. He would use his favourite vibratoron me for a few minutes when the sexual use is too high then we would stop to talk for another 5 to 10 minutes.

If I can sense the sexual tension increase then I would get his favourite masturbator, normally some kind of pocket pussy which I use to stroke his penis slowly. By doing this we can have talk therapy without full intercourse which can be more achievable if we have full on intercourse without any therapy communications.

The male masturbator most used during surrogate therapy is the Double Pleasure Vagina and ass masturbators.

realistic ass and vagina masturbator

My patients come in with a wide range of issues: traumatic sexual pasts; erectile dysfunction; body-image issues; and physical disabilities that have sex difficult. One of my patients is a 30-yearold virgin who was never touched by either of his parents, except in violence.

He was seeing another surrogate before me, and he became quite distraught when she moved overseas. We started working together, and the therapist made him realise that people come and go in relationships; that’s just what life’s like, so it was good for him to experience that.

Treating Erectile Dysfunction in Sex Surrogate therapy

There were also other patients have erectile dysfunction and when he could get it up, he would have premature ejaculation also. For these sessions we would start a few first session with just talking therapy to get him comfortable.

Then towards the 3rd session we can see the sexual tension starts to build up, this is where I recommended the use of penis pumps. Most men don’t want to use the penis pump in front of their partner course of self-esteem reasons, I would assure him in the first few session that we are open for anything, so he is comfortable of using the penis pump.

We would use the penis pump as a tool for foreplay. This gives him a huge surge of sexual arousal and the penis pump works very well. The penis pump helps to stimulate the penis muscles and promote blood flow to give the penis a hard and bigger erection.

A good penis pumps for beginner would be the Classic penis pump with trigger handle.

classing penis pump with trigger handle

Once the erectile dysfunctions problems are fixed, we need to do more talk therapy about the premature ejaculation problems. The best and quickest quick for this is using a delay spray.

Again, most men’s feel ashamed and have very low self-esteem if they need to use something to help when achieving and erection or last longer in bed. Communication during sex surrogate therapy is very important to make patients feels comfortable in a safe environment where there is nonjudgment.

The most popular sex delay spray to make you last longer in bed is the Stud 100

stud 100 delay spray

Once all the communication is solved, the patients it happy and comfortable using a delay spray. In the last few session, I teach him how to use a fleshlightstamina masturbator product to improve his premature ejaculation.

Building stamina by stroking his penis with the flashlight stamina masturbator to the point where he nearly ejaculate then stop, wait for a few minutes then do it again.

Every time you use the fleshlight stamina masturbator, increase a few more minutes. After a few weeks of use, you should see that you can last longer.

fleshlight stamina masturbator product

As a side note, for men's that experience severe erectile disfunction. It is also a good idea to use a hollow strap on between sessions. 

A hollow strap on is a hollow dildo with a harness attached that a man can wear it around his waist and have sexual intercourse without having an erection. He would insert his penis into the hollow dildo and penetrate his partner.

Sometimes, patients make joking little comments when they start dating, like, ‘Don’t get jealous’. 

So far, the therapist has matched me well with patients, but it’d be hard if I was ever repulsed by someone’s energy. However, I’d speak up [to the therapist] and we’d resolve it. 

When l tell people what I do, some of them think I’m a prostitute, but the difference is huge: Firstly, if a man just wanted to have sex, why would he pay so much [$600 per session for 90 minutes] to talk through his issues and potentially ‘just hold hands for an hour? He could visit a sex worker for a lot less than that. Secondly, prostitution is about physical release, while surrogacy is teaching somebody how to be intimate. 

ln my personal life, I don’t have one specific partner now. I have a couple of people who I see, and they’re open to the work that I do. I’m passionate about my job because I see people’s lives change, they feel freer and happier inside. Yes, the money is good, but it’s not a driving force.

The main thing that motivates me is helping people to have more successful relationships.” *Name has been Changed. 

the professional debate

Sex therapists have argued for decades over whether sex surrogates are helpful in therapy.

Here, two top psychologists lend their expert opinions. 

  1. “In the eyes of the law, sex surrogates are prostitutes.” Pamela Supple, sex-and-relationship therapist from Sydney 

“It's just not accepted for sex therapists to use surrogates. There are very few who do. Any sexual issue can be treated by talking and working through psychological exercises there’s no need to get undressed.

As well as physical dangers, there is a risk of the patient becoming psychologically attached and falling in love with their surrogate which could harm them in their vulnerable state." 

  1. “Sex surrogates teach people how to have health intimacy.” Dr Brian Hickman, sex therapist and psychologist from Melbourne 

“Women are generally able to work through sexual issues verbally, but most men aren’t very good talkers. Guys learn best with a hands-on approach, strong feedback, and authentic communication.

Sex surrogates don’t have intercourse in every session, that’s not the point of it. The goal is to open a man up to intimacy. I’ve had patients say to me, l has slept with hundreds of girls, but two hours holding hands with this woman was the most intimate I’ve ever been.

Our surrogates and clients are regularly STI-tested, safe sex is practised, and l assess whether a patient is too emotionally vulnerable for the treatment. We have checks in place to keep everyone safe."

6 min read

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