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June 09, 2021


Let's talk about safe words. Firstly, always remember consent is number one! Especially when experimenting with sexual activities outside of your usual comfort zone.

What is BDSM Safe words?

Safewords are broadly used in the BDSM community, but that doesn't mean you have to go to a BDSM party or dungeon to use one. Safewords are great to practice in the bedroom with your partner too! A safeword is usually a word with absolutely no relevance to the situation, something like 'pineapples', 'red' or 'pancakes'. These are all examples of words that would make you stop what you're doing and question why they said it, and that's precisely the point!

Another example commonly used in the BDSM community is also the "Traffic light" safeword. This is where the receiver will say "green" to prompt their dom or master to keep going, "yellow" to proceed with caution and "red" to stop immediately. Having a safe word is an excellent way to indicate when playtime is over, if you need a break or if something is wrong. The main thing to remember is that you must stop immediately as soon as you hear that safe word!

Alternative to Safe words

What if the sub or play partner is wearing a ball gag or something that restricts them from talking, you might ask? Well, this is where you can get creative with it. You can use finger indications. For example, holding up the thumb means go, holding up the index finger means slowing down and holding up a completely open hand means stop.

Another way could be holding a button that changes coloured lights in the room or even a button that beeps and counting the number of beeps to determine what they need. With non-verbal safe words, you need to make sure that you are very vigilant and attentive to your partner as they cannot shout it out; it will be less noticeable.

Always remember your safe word and discuss it with your partner in case they want to change the word or add different words with other meanings. It is always good for you both to be on the same page and understand what you're listening for.

Author of this article

Funtasia Penrith Sexpert

2 min read

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