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March 04, 2021

How To Increase Your Sex Drive

What does 'libido' mean?

Why has my sex drive disappeared? 

Can a man have a low sex drive?

Why has my partner's sex drive disappeared?

How can my partner want sex more often?

Low or no sexual desire is one of the primary complaints of vulva-owners. However, this also impacts penis-owners, something that isn't talked about often enough. 

Frequently, understanding why we are experiencing a diminished sex-drive or low libido is the key to fixing the problem.

What is Libido?

Libido, or sex-drive, is the desire to engage in sexual activities either by yourself or with a partner or two (or more). High libido or high sex drive means that you want sex more often, whereas low libido or low sex drive means that you have lost or don't have a lot of interest in sex or sexual intimacy.

The desire for sex, or lack thereof, varies wildly from person to person and day-to-day. 

Something important to note is that as we age, our desire for sex tends to diminish naturally. 

It is the presence or absence ofthree main hormones that drive us to seek out sex. Estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone are all critical players in our libido.

Whether or not you have low levels of these hormones is something you can discuss with yourdoctor. There are options for taking hormonal supplements if your lack of desire is harming your life and well-being. 

If you're worried that you may need medical intervention, start taking note of your sexual activities, desires, or lack thereof. Keep track for a few weeks before meeting with your specialist or GP. 

It may be helpful to prepare a list of questions and your medical history so your doctor can get to the bottom of things quickly.

Before speaking to your doctor and seeking out medications, there are a few things you can try to help naturally get your libido back on board. 

What is Behind a Lowered Sex Drive

Remember that you define your own normal. No one else can do that for you. The key to recognizing whether or not you're suffering from a low sex drive is when it is causingyou distress or anguish. 

If you feel like you're having enough sex and someone tells you that you're not, that's their problem. Other people's sexual activities should bear no weight in your relationship with your partner or your sex life. 

Suppose you're experiencing desire discrepancy, which is when one partner wants sex and intimacy more often than the other. In that case, that is something you can work on together with your partner. We'll also have another article on this soon.

Common Causes for Lowered Libido

A myriad of things can cause diminished desire. These often fall under a few key categories:

  • Medical - Often not the case. However, if you have diabetes, heart issues, are suffering from obesity, or a change in hormone levels (especially before/during/after menopause) 
  • Medication - Many antidepressants and other medication forms can cause vaginal dryness, diminished sexual desire, and even erectile issues. If you think this may be the case, speak to your doctor or psychiatrist about changing your medication or dosages.
  • Intrapersonal - Something may be off between you and your partner. Arguments, fights, or they're doing something that annoys you - all of these things can cause you to have lower sexual desire.
  • Confidence issues - Feeling sexy and desirable plays a significant part in us desiring sexual activity. If you feel bloated or unappreciated, you'll be too focused on the negatives in your sexual interaction rather than the pleasure of joys of sex
  • Stress and anxiety- In a perfect world, we would all be living totally in the moment and enjoying the intimacy we're having. However, with all the pressures of living in a pandemic, not to mention the never-ending to-do list of day-to-day life, we can get overwhelmed, and our mind begins to focus on our to-do list, which may not include our partner
  • Psychological issues - People suffering from things like depression have a chemical imbalance in their brains which often translates into experiencing diminished desire
  • Poor habits - Smoking, drinking too much, taking recreational drugs, or just not taking good care of yourself are common culprits for experiencing diminished desire. These can impact your cardiovascular and overall health, things that are key for maintaining a regular sex drive

How You Can Improve Your Sex Drive

There are countless options to help you improve your sex drive! Many of these involve lifestyle changes that make you and your well-being a priority, something that many of us forget far too often.

Improve the Quality of Your Relationship

Time is never found, only made.

Many times we feel disconnected from our partners and our relationship with them. We forget those things that brought us together in the first place and focus on the tasks at hand.

As many of you will probably agree, there isn't anything arousing about having to clean the house or go grocery shopping. (If you want to make grocery shopping fun, check out the Moxie from WeVibe, which is made for discreet play)

image of moxie we vibe vibrator and app control

Image of We-Vibe Moxie Vibrator with phone app control

Prioritizing your relationship and making quality time to spend with your partner is often one of the key ingredients needed for improving your libido and your relationship overall.

Try organizing a regular date night and define what that would look like for you both separately. Make a list of ten dates you would like to go on, and have your partner do the same (no peeking!) Then share the ideas and start making plans.

Practising open communication about your relationship, and your desire is another important key. If you don't tell your partner what you feel, and what you're experiencing, how could they possibly know?

Make Quality Sleep a Priority

All too often, the first sacrifice we make is about our sleep. Being adequately rested not only helps reduce stress and anxiety but also makes us happier in general.

There was astudy in 2015 that showed that women who got a good night's sleep experienced higher levels of sexual desire the day after.

Also, sex improves the quality of your sleep. So getting some rest tonight could mean tomorrow you not only have great sex but you get an even better night's sleep after!

Eat a Balanced Diet

Providing your body with all the nutrients and fuel it needs to thrive is essential. We often opt for quick, easy, unhealthy options, which make us feel bloated and uncomfortable for days afterwards.

It will also help improve your circulatory system overall if you're giving your body what it needs rather than what your brain wants. 

We suggest lots of dark, leafy greens, various fruits and vegetables, and lean proteins.

Try Some Aphrodisiacs 

While mostaphrodisiacs haven't been shown to do much according to most scientific studies, we think they can't hurt to try!

Plan a date night in or a culinary adventure out and look for:

  • Raw oysters
  • Figs
  • Chocolate
  • Saffron
  • Apples
  • Red Wine
  • Strawberries

There are tons of herbal options as well, such as ginkgo and ginseng. 

If You Feel Like Nothing is Helping

Try talking and working with asex coach or sex therapist in your area. It's too often the case that many factors are going on in our lives that it is hard to figure out what the culprit is.

Working with a professional to gain personal insight and some sexual education as well, maybe just what you need.

If you found this article interesting and want to share it with your friends on social media, please do!

Get out there, get in there and get off there!

About the Author :

Elaine S. Turner

Sex Coach, Sexual Wellness Brand Consultant & Sexuality Educator


5 min read

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