Restraints 101

Tying up your lover is one of the simplest ways to spice things up in the bedroom. Fluffy handcuffs are basically a Sex Shop’s bread and butter (seriously they’re easily one of our most popular products).

If you're not sure what to use or how to get started, never fear, we’re here to help! We’re going to go over the Big Three:why people like to incorporate restraints,different types, andgeneral safety.

Let’s get into it

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💭 Why?

Restraining someone (or being restrained) is a great way to play with power dynamics in the bedroom. It requires a lot of trust from the person being restrained and gives a sense of power to the partner doing the restraining.

It also gives you the option to do whatever wicked things you want to your partner at your own pace: no rushing onto the next thing.
Conversely, it can give you the opportunity to surrender completely to pleasure and take the pressure off if you ever feel like you’re “performing” in the bedroom.

Those are just some of the benefits, and they only scratch the surface of introducing a BDSM power dynamic into your sex life. There are whole books that delve deeper into the psychology of this, but for the purposes of this blog  people tie each other up because it’shot and fun, it’s that simple.

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🔗 Different Options

Strap in, because this is going to be a big section; there arelots of different options out there.

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Cuffs

Whether you got them as a gag gift for a Hens/Bucks party or shyly bought them when you were 18, heaps of people start out with some kind of cuffs situation. Usually, the classic fluffy kind: metal cuffs (similar to police ones) with a soft sleeve of fluffy fabric over the parts that go around the wrists.

They usually come with two sets of keys to unlock them, but unlike the real deal, novelty cuffs have asafety latch on each side so they can be taken off in seconds by whoever’s wearing them. Very handy if (like me) you’re prone to losing keys or if you want a scene to end really quickly.

You’re also likely to come acrossleather (or faux leather) cuffs. Think: a strip of padded leather a few inches wide that buckles around each wrist like a belt, connected by a removable middle piece. They might look a little moreFifty Shades of Grey and intimidating compared to the fluffy ones, but they’re actually much more comfortable. You’ll often find matching ankle cuffs too (same concept, just bigger), so you can get creative with which limbs connect to which.

More niche:cross cuffs. These look scarier (and more confusing) than they actually are. Basically, it’s two interlocked steel rings that you put your crossed hands through, secured with a padlock. Since they’re made of solid metal, fit matters. Too big and your hands slip out, too small and you risk cutting off circulation.

Fun fact: I once got stuck in a pair of cross cuffs while filming a video to show my friends how they worked. I thought I was using the large pair… turns out they were the small ones. One hand went through fine, the other got stuck. I had to take the padlock off with my teeth. Moral of the story: use the right size, put them on properly and always have a partner around, they’re annoying as hell to get off by yourself.

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Bed & Furniture Restraints

These are a step above cuffs, but work the same way. Bed restraints let you attach your partner’s limbs directly to the bed. You can achieve this using cuffs, but there are also setups designed specifically for this.

Your bed type matters. Some systems attach to a headboard, so check your bed for connection points before buying. If your bed frame is uncooperative,under-mattress systems are a great option. They go under the mattress with adjustable straps that fit any size bed. Super inclusive and easy to use.

There are also fabulousrestraints and swings designed for doorways, perfect if you want to try boinking in a less traditional part of the house. 

My only note of caution here on swings that fit on doors: the swings themself tend to be very sturdy with a pretty high weight limit, but your door might not. If you live in a cheap rental that doesn’t have a sturdy door, be warned you’re probably more likely to damage the door than the swing. And no one wants to have that conversation with a property manager.

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Rope

Rope is the most versatile (and technically challenging) option of the bunch. You can do just about anything with it: from simple cuffs-on-the-fly to intricate harnesses or full suspension setups.

But it takes practice and a good understanding of knots. Anyone who did Scouts probably has a head start. If you’re experimenting with rope, youneedto learn proper knots and placement before you tie anyone up.

There are plenty of fantastic tutorials online, likeTwisted Monk’s free rope tutorials, and we highly recommend checking out in-person workshops at places likeStudio Kink orShibari Sydney.

For a solid primer on rope safety, visitTwisted Windows’ guide.

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🧷 Accessories

Spreader Bars

Spreader bars are fabulously useful friends. Designed to hold your partner open and exposed either by the ankles or the wrist. They can turn the most mundane moments into sexy predicaments.

Why not warm up for the evening by having your lover make and bring you a cocktail wearing nothing but an apron and a spreader bar? Ever watch The Secretary (2002)? Excellent use of a spreader bar.

Hog-Ties

The opposite of spreader bars: these clips pull everythingin rather than out. Hog-ties are often shown securing wrists and ankles behind the back, but not everyone’s that flexible (and honestly, that position isn’t always ideal for… access).

Try this instead: put your partner on their knees, then attach the ankle cuffs to the wrist cuffs. They’ll be stuck sitting on their hands, leaving the front of their body deliciously open and unprotected if you get my meaning. (Literally so many options to go from there!)

Full Body Situations

There are endless ways to wrap a body (with love) and they generally fall into two camps:

1. To frame and display
   
   

2. To restrain
   
   

Of course, there are plenty of bisexual options: both?Both!

Many body harnesses strike a beautiful balance between form and function. If there are D-rings, let your imagination run wild. Don’t feel limited to standard clips: loop the chain from the nipple clamps through the wrist cuffs, or run a leash from the front to the back of their collar (between their legs 👀).

Festoon them with bells and spank them in time to a Christmas carol, or chant“Seasons Beatings!” while you do it. No? Just me?

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🛑 Safety

A well-fitted cuff should still be loose enough to turn around your wrist.

One of the biggest risks in bondage (especially at home) isslips and falls. Before you get down to business, give the room a quick tidy. Flatten rug edges, tape them if needed, and clear any rogue clothes from the floor. When you can’t use your hands, even a little slip can turn into a concussion.

If you love to resist your bondage or plan to have a bit of a struggle, pick awider cuff. Narrow cuffs (like metal or rope) can lead to some difficult to explain bruising as well as compress nerves, leading to tingling, numbness, or even wrist drop (not fun). 

Always keepsafety shears nearby. In an emergency, you won’t have time to fiddle with knots or buckles. Just cut the straps, you can laugh about it later. Gear is replaceable; people are not.

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✅ Final Thought:
Whether you’re a total beginner or a self-proclaimed rope nerd, remember that restraint play is about trust, communication, and creativity not just control. Start slow, keep it safe, and most importantly… have fun.

 

Funtasia Sexperts and Lovers of Infodumping 

Penny and Verin (P ‘n V)