Let's Talk Dirty - A Beginners Guide

The ability to talk 'dirty' or 'erotic' is valuable to anyone's sexual toolkit. Like anything, it takes practice – especially if expressing yourself verbally in the bedroom doesn't come naturally to you. But like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and mastered if you are willing!

Dirty talk needs to be adapted to whoever is receiving it. Maybe something that you classify as 'dirty talk' is something the other person might find offensive, silly, or straight-up insane, and vice versa. I mean, let's be honest, calling your partner a "dirty b*tch" in the throes of passion would be a pretty big mood killer if they weren't ok with it! Therefore, as with any new playmate, it is important to discuss beforehand what turns you both on, what doesn't, and any fantasies you are interested in exploring. 

Say what you want

A good rule of thumb with dirty talk is to tell your partner what you want to do to them/with them before you're doing it, and then, while you're doing it, specifically describe what it is you like about it.

This is especially important if your partner is a woman, as women, in particular, are often aroused through the imagination, whereas men are usually more stimulated by visual triggers.

What you say should be based on what you desire in the moment or what's turning you on, but it could be something along the lines of "I'm trying to get work done right now, but I can't stop thinking about last week when we were 69'ing and the taste of you in my mouth". A comment like that is sure to get them in the mood!

Any statement about what you have enjoyed doing with them in the past or that you envision doing with them in the future is a great way to ease into being more vocal between the sheets.

And while you're fooling around, give your partner feedback about what you enjoy. It's a great way to encourage them to provide you with more of that thing!

Get down with the details!

For a lot of people, it's the details of dirty talk that make it so much of a turn-on.

Whilst there's nothing wrong with statements like "Yeah, I like that" and "You look so hot right now", they can be supercharged in a massive way by adding a few descriptive details.

"Yeah, I like that" becomes "Oh my god, keep doing that. I love your big/little hands all over my ass/balls/chest/etc...…."

"You look so hot right now" turns into "You are better than any fantasy I could ever come up with. I fucking love you and your perfect/delicious/sexy big/little (body part)."

Use all your senses

One of the fastest ways to boost your dirty talk's erotic, engaging quality is to start using multi-sensory descriptive words.

Most people dirty talk with two of their primary senses: sight and touch (i.e. "You look so hot/You feel so good").

While there's nothing wrong with sticking to your comfort zone by staying within the parameters of these two dominant sexual senses, there's so much fun to be had by letting your descriptive imagination run wild.

For example, you might try:

– I love how you taste/smell. I could get drunk off of your juices/scent so easily.

– You sound so sexy when I'm going down on you

– Mmm, baby, I love the sounds you make

– I want to fuck you until I can feel that sweet little pussy clenching around my cock

– I want you to cum so hard that I feel your cock pulsing inside of me

Sexting

Are you feeling way too scared or self-conscious? One good way to test the waters and get more comfortable is to send some naughty text messages (sexting) and maybe a cheeky photo if you feel extra brave!

Sexy messages are also the perfect way to build tension before dates or keep the fire burning between them.

If you're not sure where to start, try some of the following to get things going:

– "I'm really looking forward to seeing you tonight. I think we should have some fun ;)"

– "Baby, I'm really horny. What do you want me to wear for our date tonight?"

– "I'm having a tough time focusing at work today… can't stop thinking about what we did on our date last night ;)"

– (If you don't live with your significant other) "What are you doing later tonight? Mind if I stop by to blow you/go down on you? I'm really craving your cock/pussy in my mouth right now."

Just have fun!

The easiest way to feel embarrassment or pressure when trying to talk dirty is to think of it as a performance. There's no wrong way to talk dirty; it should be an authentic expression of yourself. Don't say anything you don't want to, don't talk any more than what feels comfortable, and don't use any words you don't feel comfortable with.

If you feel like begging for it, beg. If you want to ask sexy questions — "Do you like that?" — ask away!

Take care of each other.

Dirty talk can get kinky fast! That's why it's a good idea to practice aftercare: any routine that helps everyone feel safe and cared for after a sexual interaction.

Especially for those that enjoy consensually degrading verbal play, aftercare is an essential piece of sex to keep consent, communication, and boundaries in line for all.

Above all else, remember that sex should be an enjoyable experience for all involved. 

Author of this article:

Funtasia Boutique Penrith Sexpert