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May 14, 2021

How do I talk to my partner about using sex toys?
Should I tell my partner about my sex toys?
How can I bring sex toys up to my partner?
Are sex toys good for a relationship?
Why is my partner jealous of my vibrator?

Starting a conversation with your partner about using sex toys together can be a bit uncomfortable at first; however, it doesn’t have to be!

If you want to step up your sex and intimacy with your partner and want to get a toy or two involved, you just need to be ready to discuss it first!

Why You Should Get Sex Toys Involved in Your Relationship

It’s now common knowledge that the vast majority of vulva-owners desire, if not need, clitoral stimulation to experience an orgasm. With people becoming more aware of the pleasure needs of their ideal partners, sex toy companies are rapidly changing. There is an army of great companies out there innovating toys daily so that you can experience the most pleasure possible from your most intimate moments.

Talking to your partner about using sex toys can be nerve wracking, however there are a few really good reasons you should try!

Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships are based on understanding, communication, trust, and vulnerability. Talking to your partner about using sex toys can hit all four of those!

Expressing your desire to incorporate sex toys into the bedroom allows your partner tounderstand that you want to change your sex life. You get tocommunicate about your needs and desires. You and your partner can develop a greater sense oftrust in your sexuality because you’re open about your needs, and you’revulnerable simply by starting the conversation!

Keeping Things Spicy

If you’re in a long-term, committed relationship, you may find that your sex life gets into a bit of a rut. It may be the same song and dance every time. While you’re both still experiencing pleasure from the sex and intimacy, you may desire more.

A lot of the fun factor with using sex toys is the taboo surrounding them. People want what they want, and they’re going to get it, regardless of what common culture expects of them. 

Maybe you and your partner want to experiment with some public teasing and play, guess what?There’s a toy for that!

Maybe you enjoy watching your partner get off but are hesitant to try a threesome.There’s a toy for that!

Whatever you or your partner’s fantasy may be, there’s usually a product to help you out with that.

Taking the Pressure Off Performance

So many of us are consumed by the notion of “performing” in bed. What if your penis decides to not rise to the occasion? What if you don’t experience orgasms from penetrative sex? What if you just wantmore.

Involving sex toys in your sexual routine will help take the pressure off. 

Are you struggling to get erect? Grab adildo and go to town. 

Don’t experience orgasm from penetrative sex? Pull yoursucking vibrator out, and you’ll be all good in a matter of minutes.

Want to try something new and spicy? Get amasturbator modelled after a porn star!

There are so many common issues in sexual relationships that sex toys could resolve if both partners just tried out a few!

How to Talk to Your Partner About Using Sex Toys

It may feel awkward to talk to your partner about using sex toys, but if it’s what you want, then you need to go for it! Stalling or avoiding the conversation will only pull you apart when using toys could actually be bringing you together. 

Here are a few tips for how to prepare for and engage in that conversation:

Decide That Sex Toys are Important for you

If using sex toys is crucial for you, you need to recognise that your needs aretotally valid. If you feel like your vibrator is your best friend in your heart and want to bring that friend into bed with you, you should know that you deserve it!

Start the Conversation Outside the Bedroom

Starting a discussion about sex and intimacy in your bedroom can come with a lot of intense feelings that you may not want in this conversation. It can also cause many people to shut down and roll over and fall asleep rather than discuss the topic.

Start the conversation somewhere else. For example, you could try the dining table, at a busy restaurant, or while you’re out and about together. Starting the discussion elsewhere will take the pressure off having to do it immediately and put your partner in a more open-minded place.

Be Honest

You both deserve pleasure, and if toys are essential to you, you deserve to be heard! Please don’t feel guilty or make it seem like you are asking for a favour.

Tell them bluntly that you would like to involve toys in your relationship, and then read how they respond. 

If they aren’t ready to have the conversation just yet - that’s okay! You’ve started it; now they can take some time to think it over. In one way, you’ve already ripped off the bandage, and it’ll be easier to start the conversation again at a later date.

Make it a Conversation

If your partner is open to talking, then ride it out! Both of you must express your desires and what you want from your sex life. Don’t go out and buy a toy as soon as the conversation is over, either! You can make this a fun experience for both of you.

Choose Something Together

You may find that your partner already has a toy or two in mind! Or that they know nothing about sex toys and are willing to learn alongside you. 

Regardless, take your time doing research together and decide what kind of toy you both want. Keeping both people involved can help create a fire by itself.

Keep the Conversation Going!

Studies have shown that couples who use sex toys are more open and likely to communicate. So talk it over after using your new toy a few times and see what your partner enjoyed or didn’t. This way, you’ll both keep learning about what the other person desires, and you’ll be able to build your sex toy collection together.

Need Help Choosing the Perfect Couple’s Sex Toy?

Once you've had the conversation about using sex toys with your partner but you're not sure where to start, Funtasia can help with that!

Come into one of ourthree locations and speak with one of our staff Sexperts! They’ve all completed a three-part Sexpert training series to help you choose the perfect toy for all of your needs.

You can also send a message toElaine S. Turner, our residentstaff Sexologist and Sexual Wellness Brand Consultant. She will be happy to help you choose what is right for you!

Get out there, Get in there, and Get off there!

Elaine S. Turner

Sex Coach, Sexuality Educator, & Sexual Wellness Brand Consultant


5 min read

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