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May 04, 2024

Happy Star Wars Day, May the Fourth be with you. 

As an avid Star Wars fan I thought long and hard about how I would celebrate this auspicious day for work, and I thought what better way than to combine my knowledge of Star Wars and my personal love of trying to figure out what sex toys would suit everyone I meet. So this is a combined list, some of these I think each character would already have versus ones I think I could sell to them 


Luke Skywalker - douche

Luke “chanel boots” Skywalker is no stranger to anal sex in my opinion, I know that statement is most likely enough to have the most adamant dude-bro clutch their pearls, but I know this in my soul. 












Leia Organa - strap on 

Leia Organa has suffered at the hands of the Empire for her entire life, she's taking that out by pegging the patriarchy. I wouldn’t have to sell her anything other than maybe a different size, but she's got the harness ready to go at a moments notice 





Han Solo - Satisfyer mission control

I think Han is the sort of person who would talk a big game, but the second he stepped foot into the store would be blushing and scoffing at everything. That is not to say hes completely ignorant of sex toys, he was afterall married to Leia for years and she strikes me as the sort to let her partner pick their preferred size. I do think he wouldn’t be able to resist getting the Satisfyer Mission Control purely on the basis that its shaped like a spaceship and he thinks that's neat. 


Lando Calrissian - Literally anything 

Lando Calrissian would be a Funtasia Member to get 10% off. He would be such a regular that he knows all the staff by name and what's going on in their lives. That is all to say that this man’s collections would be quite impressive, he would try pretty much any toy or kink at least once just to give it a go. He knows what he's about. 


Obi Wan Kenobi - ROMP Dash

Here is where we get into a person who probably wouldn’t have any toys of his own accord. HOWEVER, in his youth Obi Wan wasn’t as committed to the he puritanical Jedi Order as he was later in life. (Clone Wars fans know about Satine) Realistically, I think I could convince him to buy some sort of stroker, maybe the ROMP Dash, it’s not realistic looking so he wouldn’t feel like he's breaking his vows.


Anakin Skywalker - Lovense 

Now here's a Jedi who wouldn’t mind getting creative in the bedroom. Being true to his character he would probably have tinkered away and made exactly what he wanted for himself, if he could build a pod racer at nine, a determined (horny) adult version could definitely do it. My best guess though, during the Clone Wars between episode II and III is that he and Padme would have used things from the brand that specialises in long distance relationships, Lovense. Pretty much anything remote control that he could operate with Padme in quiet moments during the outer rim sieges. 


Padme Amidala - Silk Everything 

Have you seen her wardrobe? This is a woman who loves luxury. She also works very hard so I’m sure she would enjoy slipping into something a little uncomfortable but incredibly sexy like some lingerie. On that same note I think she would get some lovely silky restraints and eye masks. Unlike her wardrobe, her bedroom accessories would be understated, but still very luxurious.

Honourable mention that I don't think any of these characters would use (Except maybe Lando) is the Darth Invader, 14 inches of hugely impressive and highly detailed Dark Side Silicone 


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