Male Sexuality Myths That Ruin Sex

Despite having a world of information just a few clicks away, many male sexuality myths and beliefs continue to be passed on. 

For generations, societal norms and expectations have continued to weigh on all genders. However, men tend to have the most disinformation still believed.

Pornography often tends to exacerbate these expectations and cause deep shame. 

Let's dispel some of these myths to help foster a more welcoming and empathetic sexual society. 

If Your Partner Wants to Use a Sex Toy, You're Not Doing Your Job In the Sack. 

The use of  adult toys for pleasure has long held a stigma associated with sexual dissatisfaction. 

Adult toys are used between couples as a way tointensify pleasure. They're designed explicitly by pleasure engineers to arouse you in a way that the human body isn't capable of.

They're used by couples every day to add novelty and stimulation that people can't replicate. 

Especially if a female partner is involved, there is a good chance she prefers clitoral stimulation to penetrative sex. 

75% of women require clitoral stimulation to experience an orgasm. 

A person can never hope to vibrate the way vibrators do. They don't have to!

All Touching is Sexual and Should Lead to Sex

Touch is something we all crave. 

When we are born, only one of our senses is fully developed. That is the capacity to experience touch.

We crave being touched and embraced.

That doesn't go away later in life. Therefore, the expectation that a male touch means sexual interest is incredibly damaging. It can lead to a feeling of emptiness. 

Non-sexual touch is essential to every gender and deserves to be treated as such. 

Sometimes a massage is just a massage. 

A kiss is just a kiss. 

Touch is an expression of affection and caring.

It doesn't have to be anything else. 

 

A Real Man is Always Ready for and Interested in Sex

Male-bodied people have feelings and desires, too! That includes not being "in the mood."

For many, arousal and sexual desire takes time to develop and cultivate. It requires context, touch, compassion, and passion. 

Popular media has conditioned many of us to expect that a man will always be frothing at the mouth for sexual pleasure. That isn't the case. 

The desire for sexual pleasure and release waxes and wanes, just like with everyone else. 

A Real Man Performs During Sex

Sex is not a performance.

Sex is fun, it is play, and it is an expressive act. 

Perceiving  sex as a performance is detrimental to everyone involved.

It shifts your focus from savouring and enjoying the pleasure and play to being an observer. Instead of living in the moment and being there, you're looking at a slideshow of pictures. 

Men are often expected to be the initiator. They're expected to have dozens of positions up their sleeve. They're the ones to do most of the work. 

They're expected to knock their partner's socks off and shake their world without conversation or input from their partner. 

High-quality sex requires conversation, coaching, and specific directions from everyone involved. We can't expect our partners to read our minds. 

Poor communication + harmful societal expectations = disappointing sex. 

If Your Erection Isn't Up to Snuff, Pop a Pill. 

Since the invention of erection pills, countless people have taken them without a prescription and proper assessment.

Doctors are too embarrassed to have an honest conversation with their patients about their erection difficulties. As a result, erection aids are overprescribed and distributed.

There are a  few harsh realities here we need to be aware of:

• Products likeViagra andCialis don't give you an erection. They are vasodilators, meaning they help your blood flow which makes getting an erection easier. 
• Using these pills regularly can increase your physical and mental dependence on them. Over time, you may notice that youneed these medications to get an erection. 
• Popping a pill is a way of avoiding what may be at the centre of the difficulty. Genuine Erectile Dysfunction isn't very common. What is common is difficulties getting or maintaining an erection.

These erection difficulties are usually centred around everyday things like poor self-image, damaging beliefs around sexuality, performance pressure or anxiety, and relationship issues. By treating the symptoms and not the cause, you're missing an opportunity to heal and grow.

Sex = Intercourse

The pressure on having an erection is immense for most men. Most people think that sex is based on penetration and penetration alone. Everything else is a step towards that penetration. 

While penetration can be fun, it should only be seen as part of the fun and equal to all other acts. It should also be seen as an option. 

Sex is a full-bodied, intimate, shared experience. 

Not everyone enjoys penetrative sex. 

Not everyone wants penetrative sex. 

What about oral sex? What about hand jobs? What about all of the other things that make up mind-blowing sex? 

Sex is the sum of the parts, not one aspect of the equation. 

Good Sex is Spontaneous With No Planning or Talking

We're only shown spontaneous sex and desire in media. All of a sudden, a character aches with longing and is prepared for penetration.

Those expectations are not only damaging to our feelings but to our capacity to enjoy sex. 

Real sex needs to be discussed, and so do boundaries. 

You can plan for sex - it gives partners something to look forward to and get excited about!

Especially for long term couples, scheduling sex ahead of time takes the worry and pressure off the partners. There's no question about when they're going to be intimate. There's time to make it an experience rather than just something that happens. 

Requiring our partners just toknow how we like to be touched is like expecting them to make a perfect soufflé without a recipe or instructions intuitively.

Excellent sex starts with communication, coaching, and sharing how you like to experience pleasure. 

If we start shifting our expectations and perspectives, we can create real change in our world. It can only begin with awareness and speaking to each other. 

We're all humans.

We all have desires.

We all have off days.

We all want to feel understood. 

Do your part to make a better world, and get to know the person next to you. 

Accept them for who they are and get to know them. 

Get out there, Get in there, and Get off there!

Elaine S. Turner

Sex Coach, Sexual Wellness Brand Consultant, and Sexuality Educator

www.SexWithElaine.com

Elaine@SexWithElaine.com

Instagram:@SexWithElaine