Role-playing is tossed around in many contexts, from character games to sexual play. Many people develop elaborate role-playing fantasies as they age and encounter new experiences. There is a role-playing dynamic for every occasion. From nurse and doctor to student and teacher to complete strangers. But, with all the options out there, it would be surprising if you weren't overwhelmed. That's why we've created this beginner's guide to role-playing.
If you're looking for something to spice up your sex routine, this is the best place for you to start. Role-playing is an erotic experience that offers you limitless opportunities to live your fantasies.
Let's get down to basics. What is role-playing?
It's essentially sexy acting. You heighten sexual energy with your partner by enacting a scene or scenario from a fantasy. Ideally, it should arouse you both equally. But often, it's about taking turns and acting out each other's fantasies.
Most types of sex tend to happen with minimal planning. Whereas role-playing takes a little more forethought and consideration to make the most of it.
While you may be confident and comfortable in your identity, it can still be constricting. The power of role-playing is that you get to be whoever you want to be at the change of a wardrobe. You get to step out of the binds of your day-to-day identity and become whoever or whatever you please.
Role-playing can bring novelty into many people's otherwise ordinary run-of-the-mill sex life.
For example - try purchasing a few pieces of sexy lingerie and wearing them out under your coat to a bar. Meet your husband of twenty years there and pretend you don't know each other. Suddenly becomes a sexy stranger who buys you a drink.
It gives you the freedom to explore your fantasies and step into another version of your sexuality.
If you and your partner haven't discussed your fantasies yet, here is your sign!
Fantasies can come up naturally when you're in the throes of passion or while you're watching a movie. Answering authentically for yourself will help your partner be honest and open.
If you want to get the conversation started quickly, do just that, try dirty talking a bit in character. Or, you can put on a movie that aligns with your fantasy (Hello, Harry Potter role-play anyone?)
Your partner will feel safer doing the same by opening up and sharing your fantasy or sexy idea first.
Now that you've opened up the conversation, you're ready to start making a plan for your first dip into role-play. The first few times will take considerable planning and discussion - but it'll get easier over time.
Coming up with role-playing ideas may feel challenging (maybe even embarrassing) at first. So things feel equal, spend a few minutes apart writing down 5-10 role-playing ideas you'd like to try with your partner. Then, exchange those ideas and get the conversation going!
If one fantasy sticks out to you, make sure you stick to your guns. Ask for what you want and desire!
Communication is always vital, especially when it comes to new things in the bedroom. Talk with your partner about why you want to role-play with them and what types of role-play you're into. Perhaps it's something where erotic power exchange is involved. Or maybe it's based around a book or movie they haven't seen, and they need to brush up first.
Also, discuss what kind of boundaries you have around role-playing. If acting perhaps as someone you both know is off-limits or if that's arousing to you. Make sure you know what you're both comfortable (and uncomfortable) with, and go forward from there.
You need to share your thoughts and feelings about it to ensure you're on the same page. Once you've discussed what you expect and hope for from the role-playing adventure, you can start making a plan.
Take a look at those lists you both made and choose a fantasy to act out that requires minimal setup and tools.
Start small, simple, and with minimal props. A simple role-play will help you both adjust to the idea of acting out a fantasy as different people.
Usually, one person will be more into a particular role-play than the other. That's great! That means that partner can take the reins and be specific with their desires.
Again, start with doing everything together. Once you've chosen a fantasy you want to act out, decide on what you want and need to make it feel real. Figure out your budget, where you'll buy those things, and when you're going to have your role-playing night.
Planning is critical here. Try to work on it together and be realistic with your expectations.
The first few times you role-play - you'll probably both laugh.
A key indicator of good sex is that you can laugh with each other.
The same goes with role-playing. It will feel awkward and weird the first few times but be patient! Don't take things too seriously. Just enjoy yourselves and be whoever you want to be!
Overall, if you're a beginner at role-playing, you'll have a lot to learn. So be patient with yourself and with your partner. It'll take a while to build up your kit of costumes and tricks, but that's half the fun.
If you need a little inspiration, here are some sexy role-playing ideas to help you both start your brainstorming lists:
On camera porn stars
Set up a camera and get dolled up to the 9's! This is an opportunity to finally f*ck like porn stars.
The professor and the student
While it may sound cliché - it has that reputation for a reason. The sexy uni professor and the eager student is a great way to ensure enthusiastic oral sex.
Strangers at a bar
Coming to the same bar separately and "meeting" is a great way to amp things up. Be whatever strangers you desire! You aren't limited to yourselves. To spice things up, choose a wearable remote controlled sex toy.
The MILF/DILF and the pool boy/girl
Sex outdoors? Sign us up! The fun here is that minimal clothing and preparation is required. Just a fun little backyard surprise!
The Hollywood star and the secret admirer
Imagine being an eager and enthusiastic fan who gets to have sex with the person of their dreams. How hot is that?
The masseuse and the client
One person gets a massage and more! You get to play with oils and create a relaxing environment where one person's enjoyment is the central focus.
The two leading roles in a movie
Whatever movie you're into can be your role-playing adventure! You get to act out the erotic fanfic you've made about your favourite TV show, movie, or book!
The doctor and the nurse
Scantily clad and erotically charged, you get to enjoy the eroticism behind healthcare.
The queen/king and the servant
How sexy is erotic power exchange? With a king or queen making the calls and a servant at their beck and call, everyone will be pleased in this role-play.
If you haven't already started a list, then get writing! Porn is an excellent option for other forms of inspiration. Just have fun with it and choose something that turns you both on!
Come to any one of our three sex toy store locations in Sydney or shop online together!
Get out there, Get in there, and Get off there!
Elaine S. Turner
Resident Sexologist | Sex & Relationship Coach
5 min read
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